The Magic of Banality When Crazy Hits

I'm going in for a procedure tomorrow. Nothing big, pretty routine, but anesthesia will be needed and I am a coward when it comes to anesthesia. I'm always worried it's going to go badly.

So I've been a bit short with the twins, and the hubby, and, oh, everyone. Everything is getting on my nerves. I'm clenching my teeth and biting my lip while cleaning and sorting and crafting and stepping over non-compliant children who refuse to be the angels I know they can be. It's exhausting trying to take my mind off this uncomfortable 36-hour ordeal that is really only an hour of actual medical stuffs.

I'm up in the middle of the night, wandering around, feeling so silly for the niggling worry at the back of my thoughts. The twins have been checked, double checked and tucked in more times than they can count to, my attempts not to wake them up and cuddle on the couch. Then in the morning I'm crabby because they are asking for certain breakfast favorites and frowning at the fruit and the hubby is still asleep! The gall at 6 a.m. on a Saturday!

Anyway. Everybody went to their respective Sunday doings this morning, and I was left alone on a rainy morning. I started cleaning the kids room,getting into that stuff you know you have to do every time you walk in, but happily leave for another day. I waded into the toy box and took out the broken bits and then tackled the layer of crayon marks on their bunk beds. Swiping back and forth, the clean spot growing, the sun popped out from behind the thick rain clouds and lit up the room. I felt so calm for the first time in days. I was cleaning my twins' room, the babies I'd longed for, and my husband's kiss still lingered after he held me tight and told me it would be alright before he jumped in the car to go run some errands, including picking up chicken broth and ice cream. What a lovely gift.

I'm hoping to hold onto that clear moment. It's all good. I can't wait for them to get home and create chaos, take my mind off the worry and make me focus on the banality of my life that makes it so magical.